What's wrong my Philippines?

We actually observe the same things, the never ending hypocrisy of the Filipino people, both from the elites and the masses... a circus of blind and selfish clowns... a theater of good performers... an avenue of evil.. a huge waste of time, a tiring scenario.. will it ever end? how? when? i dont know... as much as i dont want to loose my faith and hope for this country... i honestly say that sadly, im beginning to shatter and breakdown... does it mean that i'm afraid of accepting the fact that hope and faith is not part of the equation? is it hard for me to accept the reality that the country that i am fighting for is not fighting beside me? that the country i'm fighting for aims towards the opposite of my journey for a better philippines? I hope not.. I dont want to feel sorry and regret fighting for my heritage, my countrymen and most of all my being a Filipino...

Metapisika ng Pagibig

Ano ang “Metapisika ng Pagibig”?  

Unti unting nagbalik tanaw sa aking isipan ang mga pinagdaanan ko sa isang paksang  nagawan na ng milyong milyong kanta, bilyong bilyong tula, telenovela, drama at kung ano ano pang abubot na mabibili sa greenhills at divisoria... ang pag-ibig. 

Hindi ko makakaila na ako’y umibig at inibig nadin nang ilang beses sa tala ng buhay ko. Ang iba’y nagbigay ng kasiyahang akala ko’y hindi na matatapos pa, ang iba nama’y hindi man ganoon kaganda ang aking naranasan ay masasabi ko na ito’y pawang leksyon ng poong Maykapal para ako’y mamulat sa mga bagay bagay at higit sa lahat matuto sa mga ito. (Nagsisimula na ba akong maging makata?!) Nagpapasalamat ako sa Diyos, na kahit halos lahat ng aking pinagdaanan sa pag-ibig ay hindi kanaisnais masasabi ko na iyon ang dahilan kung bakit ako ngayon ay mas naging mabuti, malakas at di hawak na gumanda't sumexy pa. Ang tao daw ay umiibig at iniibig na may kahambing na dialogo sa karanasang ito. Ang tao kung umibig hindi dapat ang puso o emosyon lamang ang pinapairal datapwat nagiisip din ito sa pamamagitan ng kanyang intelekwal na kapasidad. Para sa blog na ito, naisipan kong maglahad ng isa sa mga ekspiryensyang pagibig na nakapagpabago sa aking pananaw ukol dito at nagpabago sa akin bilang tao.

            Umibig ako noon, sa isang taong hindi ko inakalang makakagawa ng mga bagay na hindi ko inasahan. Umibig ako sa isang kaibigan, bago ko pa aminin sa kanya ang aking nadarama ay sobra na ang aming mga pinagdaanan bilang magkatoto. Para kaming “bestfriends” noon, lagi kaming magkatext at nagkwekwentuhan tungkol sa mga bagay bagay na nangyari sa araw namin o kung ano man ang pumasok sa aming mga isipan, araw-araw kaming nagkikita sapagkat pareho ang unibersidad na aming dinadaluhan at ang masaya pa dito ay blockmates pa kami. Sabay din kaming kumakain, maalaga kami sa isa’t isa at higit sa lahat “sweet” daw kami sabi ng iba naming kabarkada. Ako ay isang bakla o kabilang sa pangatlong hanay ng sexualidad sa lipunan at siya naman ay ang tinatawag na “straight” o heterosexual sa ingles. Marami ang hindi makapaniwala sa mga nakikita nila dahil isang bakla at straight na tulad namin ay parang higit pa sa magkaibigan ang pagtitinginan; magkapatid man o magbestfriends o para sa iba ay binansagan kaming “secret lovers”. Siyempre, ako ay masaya at paminsa’y kinikilig kapag kami ay tinutukso ng iba. Siya naman ay tahimik at pangit-ngiti na lamang. Hindi kami nagkakailangan dahil para samin, kami ay tunay na magkaibigan. Maraming araw at buwan na ang lumipas, hindi ko na maitago ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Isang araw ay buong puso kong inamin sa kanya ang tibok ng aking puso. Hindi siya nagulat sa sinabi ko, sapagkat ayon sa kanya ay napansin na daw niya dati pa, tinikom na lamang niya ang kanyang mga labi para hindi magkailangan at masira ang pagkakaibigan. Pinagusapan namin ng mabuti ito, at sa huli ay napagdesisyunan namin na maging magkaibigan na lamang at wala ng hihigit pa. Naintindihan ko ang pasya niya sapagkat mahirap nga naman ang umibig at magkarelasyon sa isang baklang gaya ko. Pagkatapos ng usapan ay walang ilangan na nangyari ngunit napansin ko ang pagbabagong hindi ko inaasahan. Doon na nagsimula ang pagkasira ng aming pagkakaibigan ngunit hindi ito naging dahilan para mawala ang pagtingin ko sa kanya. Siya ay nagging abusado, dahil alam nga niya na mahal na mahal ko siya. Ginamit niya ito para makuha ang kanyang mga kagustuhan. Kumbaga ako ay nabulag sa aking nararamdaman sa kanya; ang buhay ko ay alinsunod sa kanyang mga kagustuhan at mga desisyon. Lahat ng sinabi niya ay ginawa at tinupad ko, lahat ng gusto niya ay sinunod ko. Sa panahong ito, ako ay nagmistulang alipin ng isang makapangyarihang hari na may hawak ng buhay ko. Hindi ko siya napagisipan ng masama kahit ganoon pa ang ginawa niya sakin, kahit ganoon pa ang pinagdaanan ko sa kanya. Naging sakim siya, parang hindi na siya ang taong nakilala ko, hindi na siya ang “bestfriend” ko. Napansin ng ilan naming mga  kaibigan ang sitwasyong dinaranas ko noon, tinawag nila akong martyr at higit sa lahat TANGA. Ano ba ang magagawa ko noon? Mahal ko siya ng buong puso at handa akong gawin lahat para sa kanya! Ako ay parang ibong nakakulong sa kanyang howla o isang aliping nakarehas ang mga kamay at hindi makawala sa kanyang mga bitag. Nagalit ang mga kaibigan namin sa kanya, dahil sobra na ang kanyang mga pinaggagawa at dahil dito tinulungan nila akong makawala sa madilim at malakalbaryong karanasang iyon. Ngunit sila ay nabigo. Nagtagal pa ng dalawang taon ang mga pangyayaring ito. Binigo ko ang aking mga kaibigan at ang mga taong may malasakit sa akin ngunit higit sa lahat ay binigo ko ang sarili ko. Hindi ko na alam ang aking gagawin noong mga panahong iyon, ang gusto ko lamang ay mahalin niya din ako pabalik tulad ng pagmamahal at mga sakripisyong ginawa ko para sa kanya. Kinausap ko ang Diyos kung bakit ko ito pinagdaanan, kung bakit niya ako nilagay sa sitwasyong ito, kung bakit ako pa ang napili niyang masaktan ng ganito, kung bakit ako pa sa lahat ng tao. Nagdasal ako, humingi ng lakas ng loob, malawak na paguunawa at pasensya at higit sa lahat kapatawaran para sa kanya at para nadin saakin. Hindi nagtagal, unti unti akong bumangon at kumalas sa rehas na pumipigil upang ako ay makawala sa kanya. Sa tulong muli ng Diyos at ng aking mga kaibigan, dahan-dahan at sama-sama namin nalampasan ang parte ng buhay kong ito. Ngayon, na ako’y malaya na… naiintindihan ko na ang nais iparating ng Diyos sa akin. Na ang pag-ibig ay hindi lagi kung ano ang ninanais ng tao, na ang pag-ibig ay hindi laging naibabalik sa tao dahil ang pinaka wagas na pagibig sa buong mundo ay ang pagibig na ibinigay ko sa kanya at ni Jesus sa sanlibutan, at ito ay ang tinatawag na “unconditional love”. Bilang tao, napagtanto ko na hindi dapat ang puso at emosyon lamang ang pinapairal pag nagmahal o umibig sa iba sapagkat minsan ito ang dahilan kung bakit nagbabago ang pananawa natin sa buhay, dahil nabubulag tayo sa katotohanan at realidad. Dapat ay maging matalino din tayo ukol sa paksang pagibig at higit sa lahat ito ay pinagiisipan ng mabuti.

            Ang Metapisika ng pagibig ay nagpapahayag ng isang importanteng kaalaman sa lahat ng taong umiibig at iniibig. Ito ay ang ideyang: nararapat lamang umibig ang isang tao sa iba ngunit sa paraang hindi mawawala ang pagibig niya sa kanyang sarili. Sa maiksing salita, mahalin mo ang sarili mo higit sa sino man at bigyan mo ito ng sapat na importansya dahil ang “ako” o “ikaw” ang natatanging meron ka sa mundong ito na hindi kailan man mawawala sa atin.  

Realizations due to Tribulations

I have encountered a lot of trials and challenges in my life, some of it shattered my emotional well being into pieces and some made me as the person I am now. When I was really down due to a wide array of trials that I have stumbled upon in my life I used to think that I could never move on, that it was the end of my life that I can never cope up. I felt so useless! I was really alarmed then. So what I did was to talk to a priest who is a close family friend. I told him everything (as in everything!) that I have been through, explained and shared how I felt and how I was willing to surrender. With this, the priest then told me something very important and special about my situation. He told me not to give up because I have a really significant role in this world and in this life, he then told me that I am a Wounded - Healer. So hearing this, I was like, what is it? Was it good or what? I keep on asking myself. Wondering what it means and this is how he explained it:  

It is the person who has gone through suffering, sometimes great, and as a result of that process has become a source of great wisdom, healing power and inspiration for others. In fact, a wounded healer undergoes a transformation as a result of their wound, their suffering and pain. They can actually transcend it, and successfully lead themselves to a path of service. It is as if the wound itself helps you drive yourself to an inner journey that becomes the transformation itself. One strips away the selfish, ego-based feeling of being all alone in our wound and expands to see others and how if one chooses a different role, one can help. But for me it, gives freedom and hope. It may no longer be trendy but for me it was life. I began to realize that I was called to share out of vulnerability, not strength. It began to permeate every part of my life. I no longer had to pretend thay I had it all. It allowed me to bring into play other important facade of my belief system. Like vulnerability, raw, real, imperfection, and transparency. A wounded healer for me is a person who brings healing to others as a way of helping to heal his or her own wounds.  If I see people with broken hearts due to the problems that bombards the society such as poverty, then I am drawn to serve others by helping them to heal their heartache through charitable activities or more so by finishing my political science degree and by then I will be able to help those people who cannot fight because of their class status.  As of now, I may offer guidance that also stimulates a process of healing within ourselves.  In doing so I may stimulate their own unresolved feelings to emerge so that I can come to terms with them and make some new, positive decisions about their future. It is not necessary to create wounds or problems in order to become a good person.  Being the wounded healer is not about damaging or sabotaging other peoples’ lives instead it will make me understand the problems of others because I feel from their pain and I know how and what they undergo in life through the studies that I had made in my polsci course.  I need to be willing to continue healing myself as I follow a path of service of others and draw from the wisdom of my own personal experiences.  In finding my own strengths, I know that I also help other people to grow stronger. Like my friends and most of all my family.  In providing strength for others, I know that it also strengthens me. It’s a give and take relationship. My role in my community is simple as being a good friend, a good son, a good student and most of all a good citizen of this country.

Thankfully, I was able to talk with that priest and in an early age I was able to realize the importance of my life. That I am a special being in my own right for God created me to do wonderful things in this life. That I have to accept myself and love myself more, and I did! Actually I’m proud of myself even if a lot of people judge me because of what I am, a homosexual. I just keep in mind that God loves me no matter what, I have my family to support me and my friends to cheer me up and be loyal to me whatever happens. Despite the hardships and trials that I have gone through and that I will be going through, I have to keep in mind that these tribulations are the one’s that makes me a better person! So kudos to me, a wounded-healer!

My life: Moral in my own right..

As we all know, throughout human history, communities have been concerned with the type of person that children become. That is why throughout this time, the role of adults, especially parents, in children's moral development has been very important. Parents influence their children's moral development by first examining what is meant by morality in childhood like what my mom and dad did! They taught me to distinguished characteristics or behaviors that are morally good or bad by orienting me in my young age, to develop my self-control and to have compliance and self-esteem for myself. All i can say is that this helped me so much; these characteristics and behaviors they imparted to me became one of the foundations of my moral being and made me the person i am now. But as i grew up, i met new people, joined groups and organizations that i can say made a huge impact in my life...

 

Why?

Because for many young people like me, before i had not known my true identity yet; who i am and my vision of what i can become, it is either practically nonexistent yet or distorted. As a result, many values that my parents taught me were imparting and dont seem to take root and later adopting my peers and groups personality and slowly becoming a permanent part of my character. Some of these strong influences in my life are my peers, media and groups and organizations i joined and i honestly know that some of these influences may redefine my future and teach false values that will lead me to seek short-term, counterfeit objectives palmed off as success but certainly i can make IWAS.

How?

If i start to live my life not in accordance with theirs, when i start to make decisions on my own without any of these influences manipulating me... but my mind is rebottling my opposing ideas!

Why?

Because, one of the strongest desires of any young person is to be accepted and approved by friends, to reach certain significance among peers! So if ever i choose to go against what they want... they might start disliking me or disowning me in their lives!!! oh man... its damn hard!!! It's natural for young people wanting the acceptance of their friends and peers. But all too often a condition for that acceptance involves the temptation to lower standards taught at home or church. Such temptation, and the pressure for acceptance can be stronger than a teen's conscience. The short-term pay off is achieving some status with friends but the consequences may be DESTRUCTIVE and DETRIMENTAL habits for some... such as smoking, alcohol, drugs, and premarital sex... and that is what happened to me!!! but the only thing is that i don't perceive that these habits are destructive to my system as a person... haha... Peer pressure, along with the effects of some of these behaviors, often results for some young people to get lower grades at school... but in my case, i still tend to have high grades and pass school! 

And for me, i'm happy, satisfied and contented for what i have now... what i mean is that i am already pleased with my life, my family, my friends, everything in my life whether some people, the church, the standards of the society degrades my personality because of the moral and conduct rooted in my system... IT DOESNT MATTER AT ALL! 

because at the end of the day, it is still me who can only say it is all worthid!

Philippine Music, ORIGINAL or NOT?

At present, we have been criticized for being more interested and appreciative to Western music. Also, we can see that almost all our local artists are into revivals and covers of Western music as well and because of this, many foreign people criticizes Filipinos for being copycats and most of all being trying hard Westerners. These criticisms are often seen in websites such as Youtube and more. Does this mean that we really don’t have anything original? Or is the famed Original Filipino Music or OPM a false representation of Philippine Music? Is Philippine Music now in oblivion? Well for me, I believe that Philippine Music is still at its best shape despite of the criticisms thrown to it. Even if majority of our present artists are keen into reviving and doing covers of a foreign song, we must take note that the artists makes it as his or her own song by giving a different attack on the song; changing the delivery of the song, adding instruments that showcases Philippine instruments and beats, by adding other elements that is Filipino in nature and more adept to Philippine culture. Also, not all of our artists revive foreign music because there are still a lot of Filipino artists who composes original songs and melodies that are appreciated by the Filipino masses. Examples of these are the compositions of Ryan Cayabyab, Louie Ocampo, Ogie Alcasid and many more. And as I can see it, the modern way of colonization by the foreign oppressors is through their music that breaks through the local markets of the different countries in the world like the Philippines. And like before, there are still Filipinos who give importance to their own music, who still believe in the importance of Philippine music and who is willing to do something in order to protect and preserve it against the foreign music who slowly affects our local music scene. I am confident with the Philippine Music especially on my own observation with its present stand in the society, it dominates the airwaves, it dominates the hit charts, it dominates the concert scenes, and it dominates sales records. Our very own music is still alive and kicking butts and hopefully this trend will continue not only to preserve, protect and revive Philippine Music but also it is a way of remembering and giving importance with the contributions and sacrifices of the early Filipinos who fought for freedom and who gave their all for the sake of Nationalism!

Message Behind a Filipino Music Video

In my Human Art class when I was in college, we were tasked to choose between 5 filipino music videos...  I have chosen the music video of “Penge Naman” by Itchyworms not because its my favorite.. (haha... no noh!) but because eh isa ito sa mga pagpipilian... haha... pinili ko ito kasi I think that it showcases the elements of the new era of the film industry. 

 

The music video is like a short film. It has a story that tackles a major issue in the world today, which is the discrimination of the physical being of a person despite the talent each acquires. The story starts in an audition room where in a group of hopeful talented people were being criticized by a panel of judges because of their looks, color, shape and size. They asked these hopeful people to change the way they look by all means; dieting till you starve, exercise till you faint, have a liposuction, undergo botox and whatever the Belo and Calayan companies offer. The funny thing is that, that scene is really ironic because the judges themselves were fat and ugly at the same time. I also noticed something written in the wall of the audition room which says: “Pogi Rock, Key to Success” and honestly speaking, in our society this is somehow true! Because as we can see, the Philippine showbizness is really a cruel industry! If your ugly, you’re out of the picture or just have minor roles and if you’re good looking, you are given a chance to shine until they find someone who is more good looking than you and when that happens, like those ugly people; you’re out of the scene! For me, this kind of thinking is really depressing and frustrating because I rather prefer a not so good looking person with an immense talent than watching a good looking person with no other talent than to smile! This paradigm should be stop at once, they tend to be an icon for a lot of people and these people try to emulate such icons. People are affected with their actions and a lot of these ordinary people try to achieve the standards that this hypocrite industry made. This music video wants to show people the reality behind the glamour and fame of show business and also the irony of this illusion! The irony is that whether the music video showed the cruelty of this business with regards to such discrimination; the artists in the video wants us to think that it’s not always that way. Why? For the fact that in reality, the Itchyworms despite their appearances is one of the most sought after bands here in the country!